Intimatters

We’ve all had bad dates that we share as funny stories with friends. We try to top each other with “Worst Date Ever” competitions, and there’s always someone whose date has gone the extra mile to ensure they’ll never get a call back. Here are a few of our faves.

“My worst date was definitely the first time I met someone who I originally met online. When I arrived at the restaurant where we were scheduled to meet, he was a full foot shorter than me, was completely bald and was at least 15 years older than in his pictures. But here’s where it gets totally insane. Towards the end of the date, this woman walked up to our table and introduced herself as his wife! I nearly choked! She smiled and sat down, and the two of them went on to inform me that she is dying of cancer, and wants to find a woman to marry and take care of her husband so she can die in peace! She thought I’d be perfect. I thanked them for dinner, wished them luck in their search, and left.  –Lisa

“My worst date experience was sitting in a park, doing nothing, and saying nothing, until he asked for a blow job on the first date!” –Kayla

On our first date, we met at a bar. After a couple of drinks I realized she was too tipsy to go to dinner so suggested I take her home. Carrying her shoes in one hand, I needed help to get her to the front door of the pub and then needed to get a cab to drive us to my car around the corner! By the time she was in my car she had passed out! I had briefly heard her surname and that she lived locally so off to the 7-11 to see if she was in the phone book and find her address. Address in hand I drove to her house and ended up leaving her asleep in my car and took the bus home. In the morning I picked up my car but there was no Sleeping Beauty just a message on my phone to say she had a great night and looked forward to seeing me again soon. –Ken

On a first date when I was a freshman in college, we were going to go to dinner, but first, we had to “get some cash.” He took me to a blood bank to donate plasma! We got extra cash since it was the first visit for both of us and while I was there, my bed “won” the drawing and I received an extra $10. –Cathy

I was meeting my first and only blind date. Understandably I was very nervous. To calm my nerves, I sat at a bar and ordered a drink. My hand was shaking and I managed to spill the bulk of the drink down my pants. It was too late to do anything about it, she was on the approach and I was blushing furiously. I was a mess the whole night and she couldn’t take her eyes off my pants. I don’t think she believed I spilled my drink. She kept mentioning incontinence pads and how they helped her after her pregnancy! –Peter

Years ago, I met a woman online and I drove to her house to pick her up, a 1.5 hour drive.  She jumped in my car, then proceeded to complain about her previous boyfriend the entire car trip, how he mistreated her and how all men were dogs. After driving for about 15 minutes, I turned around and drove her back home, said goodbye and drove to the movies by myself.  What a disaster.  She really had a lot of baggage to unload and trust to regain before hitting the dating scene again. –Mark